"I Love Things!" Thursday - The One With Feminism

Since I am unusually at peace I am feeling unusually feminine and feminist. I think this is a good thing, and today's list of love reflects that.

1. Allie Brosh

My love for this image is without end. Forever and ever, Amen. Source.

I cannot fully express just how happy I am that Allie posted on Hyperbole and a Half. The ILTT  for last week was going to be all about her, but alas, I never got around to writing it. So, I'm highlighting it again now. If you haven't read Hyperbole and a Half, then just go. Now. Educate yer'self. I'll wait. See? Awesome, yes? Not only is this chick the more artistically talented, funnier version of me, she's also super brave, what with being so honest about her personal struggles and all. I love that. I love her writing, her pictures, her sense of humor, her ability to laugh at herself. But most of all, I love that she's putting herself out into the world. By sharing her story, she's helping so many people. People like me. When I read her new entry last Thursday it was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm not a freak. I'm not alone. My fish are dead. It sucks that my fish are dead. And that's okay. Seriously, so much love for Allie Brosh.

2. Amy Estes

I sure wish I could rock black
frames that hard. Alas.Source.

This woman right here writes a blog called Coffee & Sunshine. I like coffee. I like sunshine too. It mostly just doesn't like me. It burns. Anyway . . . She is awesome, and if you aren't reading Coffee & Sunshine, you should be. Not only has this fine lady helped me with a Teacher Ready assignment when I was in dire straights, she also consistently writes these amazing, self-reflective, real, and completely relatable posts that never cease to blow my mind. Maybe she is my Spirit Guide, because it seems that just when I need to hear something in particular - that's what she's just published. Like Allie Brosh, Amy is open and honest about her personal struggles and as a reader, that means an awful lot to me. From the time I was coming out of college until fairly recently I found myself drowning in media that was telling me how I should be, and I was not measuring up. No one seemed to struggle like me, and when you feel like you're all alone in your troubles it makes those troubles seem so much worse. Then I had a kid, and that just compounded the problem. For a long time I obsessed over achieving the perfection that I kept finding online. I kept trying and failing. It made me sad. Everyone else had the trappings of the cool life. They threw opulent DIY parties for their children. They didn't seem to have any issues with laundry - hell, they used cloth diapers. How could I compete? How could I even compare? Then, ever so slowly, as I began seeking out bloggers instead of sites, I found people out there who were kind of like me. They were honest. They had trials and tribulations. There were ups and downs. My life started to feel a little more normal. And that is why I love Amy Estes.

3. Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo

Did I mention that Honey Boo-Boo is also for gay rights? "Out noted that her
acceptance of her gay relative "confounded" the sterotype of the "redneck"
working-class, conservative Southern white female." Damn straight. Source.

This is beginning to read like a recap of Wednesday Reflections #13, isn't it? I promise, it's not, but we are going to revisit the topic of Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo. I've decided that I like these people, and I have some really good reasons why. While I question the level of exploitation that may or may not being going on with regard to TLC, I think that it's mostly a good thing that this family is on TV because I think more people can relate to them than are making fun of them. At first I was offended at the notion that a family so very similar to my own was being paraded around on television like some kind of freak show, but I don't think I was giving them enough credit. They're poor, not stupid. I'm sure they're fully well aware that there are people out there laughing at them and saying all sorts of horrible and mean things; they just don't care. I love that. The salt of the earth, the Thompson family are comfortable in their own skins, and that's really admirable. You don't hear anyone agonizing over physical appearance on this show despite the fact that the star is a pageant queen. These women are confident and they defy the cultural standards of beauty. Not only that, but in every bit of the show I've seen they are a supportive, loving, and fuctional family. Can we say the same for some other famous families on television? I think not, with the exception of Caroline's family from The Real Housewives of New Jersey and I'm just saying that because I love her. Like Roseanne before it, Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo gives us a look at what a majority of Americans live like, and also like Roseanne it's making a lot of people who have no concept of this reality very uncomfortable. I love that. Maybe Honey Boo-Boo will inspire a real dialogue wherein we can discuss topics such as generational poverty and the hardships of rural Americans. While I question some of the family's health related choices, I can't be too judgmental as I too have a weight issue as a result of poor dietary choices. I "redneckognize" the problem though. I hope the Thompsons do as well, because I'm very interested in seeing their story play out. I hope it has a happy ending.

4. My Sister

If I were a cow, I wouldn't look that happy about being milked.

Everything I said up there about the Thompsons? I said all that because the mom reminds me a lot of my sister Alicia, who is the most confident, out-spoken, down to earth, comfortable-in-her-own-skin, and happy person I know. We've had our issues in the past, but I think that had a lot to do with me being a teenager. Now I kind of wish that I lived closer to her so That Sprout could spend more time with her. I find myself really missing her, and I need to call her more often. This should be a goal. Not only is Alicia confident and able to laugh at herself (most of the time), she's also one of the people responsible for my very ecclectic tastes in music. You might not be able to guess from this picture, but that woman milking the fake cow is the one who schooled me on The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kraftwerk, Echo and The Bunnymen, and Elvis Presley. During the turbulent years she really got into country, but I still remember jamming out to "Das Model" in her very awesome 1970-something Camero. I miss the Camero . . . I miss schlepping around Crescent City on foot. I miss red Kool-Aide and Bolongna and Cheese Sandwiches (on white bread!). I miss hanging out at the pet store she used to work at. I miss going to football games and palling around with the EMTs and the Band. Now she works more than she should have to so there's not a lot of time for the fun bonding type things, and that's sad. I really respect her work ethic - it's something that I wish that I had. Her life has not been as easy as mine, yet I think she's probably a lot happier than I have ever been. That's pretty admirable. Even though I don't show it as much as I should, I really do love my sister.

5. M.E. Thomas

Click here to buy the book from Amazon. Source.

I know I've mentioned Sociopath World before. I think it's a really interesting, insightful, informative, and engaging blog. (No, I did not make that alliterative on purpose - it just happened.) Only recently did I learn that ME, the person who writes Sociopath World is a woman. What's more, she's written a book that was released this week. Since this post is in praise of women who are keeping it real, I thought ME would be a good person to round out the list. She has written her blog since 2008 and has garnered quite a following. She attracts all sorts of people looking for information about sociopaths, empaths, narcissists, BPD, and autism spectrum disorders. She is very well read on the psychological research into sociopathy, and while her comments and forum have descended into small minded chaos from time to time, she has maintained a professional caliber blog which I have aspired to emulate here. She's my number one blogger role model - not for content, but for style. I don't know anything about her other than what she's written on the blog, which is both candid and veiled, but I know that she's one of the smartest people I have encountered in my internet travels. I might not love her, but I love reading her blog, and I hope that she her book is very successful. I'll be buying a copy soon, I can tell you that.

Wednesday Reflections #13 - Nonlinear-ness, Nazis, and Other Strangeness

As is often the case when I light behind the keyboard and begin tapping out my Wednesday Reflections, I have found that I can't remember much of anything that has gone on before Monday of this week. Instead of recounting the important things in a linear fashion going forward, we'll start with today and move backward.

It'll be nonlinear, but in the way Memento is,
not in the way all these others are. Source.

As it is only 10 AM as I write this, there's not a whole lot to say about today. The only remarkable thing is that I am overwhelmed with a sense of calm. I find this suspect as it's a state I have not been in for a great many years, but I'm trying to not over think it. It's nice to not find myself panicking about the fact that it's Wednesday which means there's only 3 more days til the weekend and however am I going to get everything done. I have been saying for longer than I can remember that I wanted to get back to "the way I was". It's a state of being that's nothing more than a feeling and utterly impossible adequately describe. All I know is that lately, I feel that I have been "the way I was". It's a really wonderful feeling, and I hope that with the continued use of correct medicine, herbal teas, and "The Secret" (however hokey it may be), that I will find myself more often in this state of being than not. After I finish writing this, I plan to chip away at some of the school work I've neglected. Maybe do some housework. Maybe exercise. I don't know. What I do know is that I don't feel the paralyzing pressure to perform and that's pretty much the best feeling ever.

Yesterday found me in a strange frame of mind. I have been playing catch-up with my Teacher Ready courses for about a week now, and one of my assignments was to write about the film Fight Club. Although I completed that assignment Monday night, I still had a window open with an essay about the film. Before I knew it, I was down an internet rabbit hole about film that led to Paulo Pasolini and then David Cronenberg which led to his film A Dangerous Method, which led to the Wikipedia entries on Freud, Jung, and Sabina Spielrein, which led to more Wikipedia entries on the psychological discoveries they made (namely, Transference , which eventually let to another rabbit hole about Nazis, since Frau Spielrein and her children were murdered in the Holocaust.

Sabina Spielrein Source.

I was at this for like, 4 hours. This might be a sign of my ADD tendencies  but I argue that it's my Faustian hunger to know everything. I would do well to remember that Faust was a tragedy, but I digress. At any rate, I feel that my tumbling through all this information had a more or less positive effect on me as it got me thinking about psychology and morality. I was particularly interested in Spielrein's thesis that:

suggests that truly heroic, original creations can only emerge from the crucible of great conflict, such as the attraction of opposites and the breaking of taboos, and thus the instinct for creation is inextricably tied to a drive to destruction, and that these feelings and ideas are not restricted to sexual expression despite their roots in the biological drive to reproduce. (Wikipedia: A Dangerous Method)

I am left to wonder if my literary matriarch, Anais Nin was hip to Spielrein's work. I have to say, I really like this thesis and I hope to use it some some scholarly writing in the future.

Anais Nin. Source.

Meanwhile, the Nazi research I did left me with all sorts of mixed feelings. Certainly what the Nazis did during their time in power was unequivocally bad. I am left to wonder how there are people walking this earth today - people I have know - people I have loved - who have embraced some of the Nazis more outrageous beliefs regarding race, the right to life, and eugenics. Thankfully, I have severed myself from such persons as I believe above all else that everyone has a right to live and die with dignity. All the more horrifying in relation to the topic of eugenics and the insane lengths to which it prospered is the fact that much of their ideas on the subject and their funding for their efforts came from AMERICA. And yet somehow that was just glossed over in World History 101.

And somehow, everyone was OK with this? Source.

Bearing this in mind, how dare we as a nation, assume the position of moral self-righteous condescension on a global scale? How dare we sit back and act like the bullied child of the earth, "what never done nobody wrong, an' why're you always pickin' on me?" We were the first nation to create and enforce mandatory sterilization laws. As recently as the past decade I have known people who believe that some people simply should not be allowed to live because of their physical or mental infirmities. Ironic, since the person to whom I refer would have been a likely candidate for the gas chamber at the time based on their own physiological short comings. Sieg heil.

Long story short: There was no T&A Tuesday yesterday because I was up to my eyeballs in evil and while I must admit that the SS uniform was very flattering, I cannot justify extolling the virtues of Nazi fashion, as those snappy uniforms are stained with the blood of 6 million men, women, and children. As far as my place in the annals as history as an American, all I can do is continue doing the right thing in spite of my flawed lineage. Free will trumps heredity every time in matters of ethics.

So maybe the UN Peacekeeping Uniforms aren't so snappy,
but you gotta love a room full of peacekeeping Sikhs. Peace is sexy. Source.

Such was the case last night. That Sprout, j^C and I were on our way to get some ice cream after dinner when was came upon a small dog that had just been hit by a car flailing in the road. j^C told me not to stop, but I could see that the creature was still alive. It was a small dog and I was sure that it was someone's pet, so I pulled over and picked it up out of the road. She was still alive, but unable to move. j^C came and sat with her as I attracted the attention of a woman standing her yard. It was not her dog, but the neighbor's, so she went to get them and I went back to sit with the dog. By this time, she was retching and struggling to breathe. I petted her gently and spoke soft words to her. She looked peaceful, although she was retching and struggling to breathe. Finally, her owners hopped over the fence and retrieved her. They thanked me for letting them know and for pulling her out of the road, and while I appreciate their gratitude, I would have done the same thing regardless. It's the right thing to do, and I hope that if Molly Gator or Cody were ever in a similar situation, someone would do the same. I am sure that the little dog passed away as I was petting her  because when her owners picked her up she was limp. I am just glad that she didn't die scared and alone.

Other than being full of strangeness and calm, yesterday was very pretty. It's been unseasonably cool all week. As we were driving home last night, I saw a boy and a girl on a 4-wheeler riding off into the woods. It gave me an idea for a short story. "As they raced through the crisp afternoon, red, orange, and yellow surrounded them, bursts of color exploding like something that explodes." It's a work in progress. Also, "servile penis" and "skin to skin, chest to chest" came to mind. I guess I know what I'll be working on later.

"Bursts of color exploding like dreams deferred" has a nice ring,
don't you think? Source.

Monday was full of Teacher Ready work. (I just remembered). I also woke up with a sore throat which is only just beginning to resolve. I interviewed a first year teacher and tried to not freak out too much over the poverty/race connection that's being made in my course this lesson. I am over a month behind right now, and while this is not good, I'm strangely okay with the situation. I am doing to best I can as the subject matter is hitting me very close to home. I am appalled that poverty is a subject to be taught and that the "strategies" for dealing with it read to me like "how to be a decent member of the human race". It's been very stressful. j^C said that I should tell the school "I grew up poor, may I please be excused?". I think that a lot of the anxiety I was dealing with over the past month was triggered by beginning this lesson. I'm trying to remain detached, but my blue collar liberal "Rain on the Scarecrow" type sensibilities are getting the best of me. On the bright side it's not so much "baby time frolics" as the word "pedagogy" has finally arrived in the course material. And the people say "Amen".

Because I was already waxing philosophical about class, race, poverty, and American Culture, Monday night saw j^C and I watch one episode of Toddlers and Tiaras. I wanted him to see the Honey Boo-Boo people. I also like watching him watch Toddlers and Tiaras. He's like someone watching a car wreck - he doesn't want to look, but he kind of can't help it. We came away from the episode having decided that Honey Boo-Boo's family wasn't awful. They were very supportive of her, and even though she didn't win a great big crown, they were proud and she was proud of herself. I will say this: Her self-confidence is incredible and I hope that in this world of shallow materialism she stays true to herself as she grows. While I would not live my life the way they do, (I HATE EXTREME COUPONING!!!) I love how comfortable they all seem to be with themselves. The mom's generally cheerful attitude reminds me so much of my sister, so while I question some of her nutritional choices (melted butter + ketchup = "sketti", Mountain Dew + Red Bull = "Go-Go Juice", "Go-Go Juice" + "skettie" = childhood diabetes) I think we could be friends. I like her a lot more than the mommies I generally run into, that's for sure and I love the fact that there are blue collar families on television.

What I don't like though, is the exploitative nature of these shows. I realize that TLC has as much learning going on as MTV has music these days but doesn't anyone else find the never ending barrage of lifestyle shows a little opportunistic and mean spirited? It makes me really sad to think that people are watching Honey Boo-Boo and making fun of the way these people live. That's reality for so many people in the South, and while there is something wrong with it, it's not what everyone thinks. The lifestyle is a symptom of the greater problem: the severely skewed socioeconomic class structure as it currently exists in our country and the present culture of entitlement that we have all become sold on. That's probably a topic for another time, but suffice it to say that some engaging conversation with j^C transpired.

Then again, maybe people aren't laughing as much as I fear. Source.

Also, Tyler Durden wanted to blow up the credit offices because Jack bankrupted himself on Ikea furniture and DKNY shoes. Just a thought.

Busted. Source.

Sunday, I cooked enough food to last us the rest of the week.

Saturday, j^C played video games while That Sprout and I played together.

Friday . . . j^C played video games and I tried to go to a working interview at That Sprout's daycare. I thought I was going to have a job soon. Then the director quit and I was told that they aren't hiring anyone right now. While I would have liked to have had the extra scratch, I'm okay with the situation. I liked the old director and I really would not want to walk into a chaotic situation once the new director arrives. I also set up my new computer in the back bedroom. Once I get a new power strip and some speakers, I'll be cookin' with Crisco.

Thursday, I went to therapy. I also got my background check for the job that I am now no longer being considered for . . . but! There was a silver lining! Allie Brosh updated Hyperbole and a Half for the first time since October of 2011. I am so happy that she did. Go click on that link, because it's pretty much my life. Minus the corn. I know how much depression sucks, and I am so glad that she's been working on health and that she's posted in her blog. I hope she continues to feel better and that she knows how much people love her. Allie Brosh is awesome and if you don't think so, go eat a brick.

This is Allie Brosh. I think she's great. So do a lot of other people. Source.

Wow. This sure turned out to be a long post. I had a busy week. On the whole, I feel good. I am not feeling anxious or depressed. I am feeling a fair amount of Saudade but that's just integral that which comprises Uranium J. I have loved many people for many different reasons and sometimes I miss them terribly. They are never coming back, and even if they could they would be zombies things would never be the same. At least I feel that I'm getting back to good, and I guess good is always going to be a little bit strange, a little bit melancholy. Strange and melancholy are far more manageable than what I've been feeling though, so I'll take what I can get and be grateful.

I made this'n m'self.

Gluteus Maximus, Pectoralis Majors - Clean to You, Dirty to the Latins . . .

I would like to begin today's T&A Tuesday with a disclaimer: Although I tried to research it so's I wouldn't make an ass out of myself, I am still not 100% clear on the difference between Hispanics and Latinos. I am pretty sure all of the people featured today are, in fact, Latino - but on the off chance that they are instead Hispanic, please alert me to this fact and I will change the marquee.

Enough of that. Let's get to the T&A. Submitted for your perusal, I bring you:

Or Hispanic? The jury's still out.

So, like most things, I got to the Latin Music Party a little late. Okay, a lot late. I liked Enrique Iglesias just fine ("Bailamos", anybody?), but at the time I could take or leave Ricky Martin and Marc Anthony. I was much more interested in skinny, androgynous white guys who may or may not have subsisted on a steady diet of cocaine, cocaine, and more cocaine. My perception of "sexy" has drastically changed over the past few years though. Where I used to be morally opposed to muscles and strong jaw lines, I am now more or less enamored. I have Vin Diesel to thank for this. Specifically, Vin Diesel in The Fast and the Furious when he picked up Letty while they were making out in the garage. After seeing that scene, I was never the same.

Which brings us to today. It all started with needing some gangster rap empowerment. Soon, I was down the YouTube rabbit hole and wound up watching Pitbull videos. Who is this Pitbull person? Why was I not informed of his Latin Heat? Hmm? That there is some sex in the flesh, people. So, I decided that for today's feature I would explore some beautiful and talented men and women of the Latin persuasion.

1. Pitbull

Wook at da widdle face. Da face! Source.

Apparently people hate this man. I've read that it's because he talks about the same things in all of his songs: money, being "Mr. Worldwide", and giving it to all the ladies. I don't see what the problem is here. It's not like there aren't a million other artists out there who do the exact same thing. Why everybody gotta be hatin' on Pitbull? Just cus he's reppin' the 305? This homie don't play that. I know he's all style and no substance. I'm okay with that. He's pretty to look at, I like the way his voice sounds, and he's got the art of making catchy dance music down to a fine science. So he's not the Shakespeare of hip-hop. That's fine. Neither is 50 Cent and he does catch half the flack that our boy Pitbull does. Haters gonna hate, but ballers gonna ball and that fine specimen up there my friends, is a baller. And since we are all about T&A here today, there's THIS. Specifically at 2:41 to the end. Wow. I need to go take a shower now.

2. Shakira

This here required a video. Why? Because Shakira is at her best when she is in motion. She's an incredible dancer, with a body that I personally would kill for. Shakira has been on my radar since this song came out and my then boyfriend kind of had a thing for her. At that point I was just happy he was over Vitamin C. I could handle his celebrity crushes so long as they weren't the worst form of bubble gum pop music EVER. When Shakira showed up shaking her T&A and blowing his mind, I was happy. While I was not attracted to her, I did like watching her dance and Ex-BF and I could agree that she had some crazy impressive operatic vocal chords to work with. Good things. Unlike Vitamin C, Shakira has remained a musical  and cultural force to be reckoned with. As if she wasn't already awesome enough, then she went and had a baby and became the most smoking hot pregnant lady in recent memory. Demi Moore, eat your heart out.

3. Antonio Banderas

Source.

That photo really should be all you need to know that Mr. Banderas is a fine piece. However, if you remain unconvinced, there's THIS. And THIS. And THIS. And especially THIS. Seriously, why do I need to even convince you? One human being should not possess so much talent, and yet he does. He sings. He dances. He acts. He's done porno and children's movies. He's got an incredible sense of humor. He's got a body to die for. He's a renowned philanthropist. Seriously, just watch Interview with the Vampire, Philidelphia, Desperado, and Once Upon a Time in Mexico. This is all you need to know. Sexiness. You can suck on my neck anytime you want. 

4. Raul Julia

Source.

Raul Julia, known to most of you as Gomez Addams, but he was so much more. I won't get into all of that. If you are interested, then do your damn homework. I have two points, and they are these: 1. Raul Julia, along with John Astin helped to create a realistic example of married life in television and film by playing Gomez Addams. Why? Because we all knew that Gomez and Morticia had sex. Matter of fact, Morticia and Gomeze were the first family on TV to have had an apparent sex life. When Raul Julia played Gomez, he did so with class and amplomb. And you know what? Married couples who like to have sex with one another is kind a sexy in and of itself. Kudos to Raul Julia for taking the role. 2. Raul Julia was a crazy talented actor who died way to young. If Gomez Addams isn't your sexy type speed, then you should really check out The Kiss of the Spider Woman or Frankenstein Unbound. You know what? Just go watch that last one right now. I'll wait.

5. John Leguizamo

Source.

Oh, John Leguizamo . . . how I love you in all that you do. See, John's a special kind of sexy. He's undeniably beautiful, but he's also really good at playing some ugly, ugly people. Spawn? Moulin Rugue? Yeah, he was the midgety type character in both of those. He's also real good at playing the bad guy as evidenced by the above picture from Romeo + Juliet where he played Tybalt, psychotic cousin of Juliet. Being bad never looked so good.  And let's not forget that he makes for a very convincing "little Latin boy in drag".

6. Rita Hayworth

Source.

Rita Hayworth had babies with Orson Welles. She's on here because she's beautiful, she's Latina, and I am super jealous that she got to schtup Orson Welles. So. Jealous.

7. America Ferrera

Source.

I really like America Ferrera, and as the above photos illustrate, if anybody's got rockin' T&A, it's her. You know what though? It took me FOR. EV. ER. to find that photo, and when I did, the site was talking about how fat she was. 'Scuse me? That's fat? I don't think so. That's hot. And need I remind you that the film these still are taken from is called Real Women Have Curves? I realize that America has lost a good deal of weight over the last few years, and that's cool. Maybe it was for her health. She's hot either way. But let's not all get high and mighty about how much better off she is now. I personally loved America in her early career and thought she was beautiful and real and wonderful. Real women do have curves.

8. Dolores Del Rio

Source.

Schtupped Orson Welles. Latina. Hot. Jealous. On list because of that. However, I would like to point out that this woman was a full decade older than Mr. Welles when they had their illicit affair. It's said that she was under his spell, and considering who he was, I believe it. Still, what an incredible beauty she must have been when he could have had ANY girl in Hollywood. Of course, Orson had a type, and she fit the bill.

9. Enrique Iglesias

Source.

Enrique Iglesias, for all intents and purposes, sings the same kind of schlock as Pitbull, yet no one seems to hate his guts. Why? Could it be his devilish good looks? Could it be the fact that he's going to liberate us all through the magical power of dance? Perhaps it's the fact that he's Julio Iglesias' kid and everyone's afraid of the wrath they might invoke if they go prodding that kind of powerhouse. Or maybe it's the fact that he told each and every one of us what he's doing to us tonight. I'mma tell you one thing, Mr. Iglesias: That's a promise I expect you to keep.

10. Salma Hayek

Source.

If you don't think that Salma Hayek is one of the most stunningly beautiful creatures on the face of the earth, then you need to get your eyes checked and re-examine your life. Seriously. This is all.

Wednesday Reflections #12 - The Secret and Salieri

Where has my week gone? I'm not too sure. Wednesday night we went to trivia. We didn't win, but tonight is the last night of the season, so we could still win for the season. That would be pretty cool, but I can't tell you how happy I will be to finished with this weekly ritual. I don't really even remember Thursday. I know that I went to therapy. That's it. That's all I've got.

Friday was busy. j^C and I drove to South Carolina in order to deliver That Sprout for a visit with her grandparents. We had a nice dinner with his mom, and then we went to watch Iron Man 3. I'm told that there's some great controversy about The Mandarin. I don't care. I liked what the thing about The Mandarin, I really liked the movie, and I LOVE TONY STARK. On Saturday we watched Pain and Gain and I laughed more or less the whole way through. I know it's a true story, and I'm sorry that people suffered and died, but as a movie I found it incredibly entertaining to watch these idiots do stupid things. Say what you want about Michael Bay, but the man can make a fun movie.

Sunday was another long drive to South Carolina in order to retrieve That Sprout. Monday . . . was j^C's birthday! I had planned to go big with a cake, a card, some presents, and a tasty meal. That didn't happen. I had a doctor's appointment that morning and then I needed to gather some things at the store for his birthday dinner and by the time I got home I had very little time to get everything else together. We wound up having a tasty meal and some banana pudding. I think I'm going to seriously begin considering "Un-Birthdays", complete with cake, ice cream, cards, presents, decorations, and the whole nine yards. Why? Because things sneak up on me.

At least I didn't freak out about it. I'm really trying to embrace calm in my life. Yesterday was quite trying as I found out that there are some serious issues with my Teacher Ready courses (Money, Mentor, and Time Management). Long story short: I'm behind and getting further and further behind everyday. There's not a lot I can do about it though. All I can do is work on the things I can control and let the rest of it go, which is what I have been doing. I'll tell you this: It feels really good not being stressed out.

Yesterday was also the day that I began my weight loss paper trail that may or may not lead to weight loss surgery. This whole thing is a very hard thing for me. There's a lot of pride tied up in it, but if I try my absolute hardest for the next six months and still see no progress, then I'm ready and willing to throw in the towel and get the lap band. I am going to believe, however, that I can achieve some change in that time.

Can you tell that I've become a little bit more Zen?

"I Love Things!" Thursday - The Random One

I am loving some random things this week. Mostly music, but there are some other things in there to round it out. I've been feeling quite zen, and I am convinced that I used up all my available stress hormones over the previous two weeks, so even if there is something worth getting worked up about, it's just not happening. Everything is groovy - for now. The downside of this is that I'm kind of walking around in a hippy-dippy-trippy fog, with very little focus. Then again, for me, that's status quo, so what am I worried about? 

On the bright side, my list is also pretty hippy-dippy, and I think that's a good thing. I am currently angst free and my loves reflect this. So, without further ado, I bring you: 

1. John Mellencamp - "Rain on the Scarecrow" and "Little Pink Houses"

On Monday, I was thinking that The Cougar was going to be this week's Spirit Guide, but it seems that I'm just obsessed with those two songs. Lou Reed seems to be staying for a multi-week engagement and the Mellencamp songs are what I would call supplemental feel-goodery. I have been reflecting on roots quite a bit as I've been working on my portfolio for Syracuse and these songs remind me so much of where I'm from. If you've never heard "Rain on the Scarecrow", then stop what you're doing and watch the above video. It's haunting. Sad songs, yes, but I'm finding a lot of creative inspiration in them this week, so, LOVE.

2. Spectacle - Elvis Costello with . . . 

I don't know what it is, but I find Elvis here incredibly attractive. Source.

I have been on the fence about Elvis Costello for a great many years now, ever since my friend Jeff (a man a respect more than I can say) told me that Elvis called Ray Charles that word that white people aren't allowed to say. You know the one. Rhymes with "bigger". Not cool. 

After doing some research, it turns out that it was in a drunken stupor that these words were uttered and Ray Charles forgave him almost immediately, so who am I to question him? Yet, I do. I always feel a little bit guilty about liking him. It feels like I'm betraying my father or something. Be that as it may, I have always been fond of "Watching the Detectives", and I've made it right with myself by preferring Duran Duran's cover to Elvis' original. 

I'm evolving though, and since watching several episodes of Spectacle I know this: even if I'm not sure about Elvis as a person or a musician, I am sure that he is an incredible interviewer. This show only lasted 2 seasons and yet he interviewed 6 or 7 of my favorite people. The very first show was with Elton John for crying out loud! How fantastic is that? And the interview with Bill Clinton? You must watch it. Seriously. Go. Now. Just go. Despite his past questionable word choices, Elvis Costello's Spectacle is LOVE.

3. Keith Negus - Popular Music in Theory: An Introduction

Click HERE to Purchase. Source.

I bought this book when I still lived in Raleigh and it's been moldering and collecting dust ever since. However, since I am on the quest for higher education, I figured that it would be worth a read, if for no other reason than to refresh my academic writing and research skills. While I'm not so sure that the content is entirely sound, I am happy to find that there may be a career for me in academia writing about music. Nothing would please me more. The book is also full of great research sources, so very soon you might find me writing about the music I love in a far more rigorous and analytical manner. LOVE.

4. Chamomile Tea

I kind of want to live in the picture on the box. Source.

By now you are all well aware that I struggle with anxiety and manic depression. The good Lord invented drugs with which to combat these things, but those drugs often cause even more problems. Apparently, just about every kind of pill you can take for anxiety will do a number on your liver. Now me, I have liver issues already due to my whale-like stature, so I don't need to go making more trouble for an already troubled organ. What's a person to do? Chamomile! Historically known for it's calming effects, chamomile has recently been proven (in a study, with both doctors and mice) to help heal the liver. This is a win-win. A no-brainer. Even if the chamomile doesn't help my liver, it certainly can't hurt. I've got nothing to lose in giving this herbal remedy a try. I like this. I like this a lot. Dare I say, I LOVE this?

5. Burt's Bees Peppermint and Rosemary Body Wash

After this, I gotta go to my drum circle. Source.

I suddenly feel as though I've gone all crunchy, what with my chamomile tea and my Burt's Bees soap. I assure you, there's a logical reason for it all though. I'm trying to feel better. If the tea makes me feel better on the inside, so much the better. The soap on the other hand, is to help me feel better on the outside. Apparently peppermint oil, a key ingredient in the above body wash, is a natural libido enhancer. So, I take a shower and wash my lady bits. For a little while thereafter, they tingle and I think that "mommy/daddy time" isn't such a bad idea. Supposedly, if you use the stuff regularly you can see longer lasting, long term benefits. Either way, it smells good and it makes me feel good, lady bits or no. What's not to LOVE?

Wednesday Reflections #11 - Carrot Juice and Coney Island Baby

That Sprout decided that she needed a "Mommy Day" today, and as such my heart's not really into writing this at the moment. I'm going to keep it brief and hit the highlights.

I decided some time last week that I wanted to apply to Syracuse's MFA program in Creative Writing. 

Since then I've been rummaging through all the writing I've done for the past 15 years or in order to find some pieces to work on for a portfolio. Hoo boy . . . was this endeavor ever eye opening. 

The good? I am far more prolific than I ever gave myself credit for. There is just SO. MUCH. STUFF. Poems, short stories, rants and raves, scripts, chapters, unfinished outlines, and little scraps of paper with an idea or two that I never came back to. While daunting, this is also a really great thing because it gives me a lot to work with.

Now, for the not so good: I have never written better structured stories than I did when I was in the seventh grade. Don't get me wrong, the content was absolute schlock, but the way it was written was fucking incredible. I am still in awe of my 12 year old self. And the dialogue - oh, such dialogue!  I have never written better paced dialogue since. It's kind of sickening, but at least now I have proof that I do know how to do it right which gives me something to work toward.

The other not so good? I literally do not throw anything away. I was not joking about the scraps of paper thing. There was a file folder with nothing but remnants  I have at this time found 6 copies of the same essay I wrote for Dr. Tomso in college and I don't know why I kept them all. I found a notebook full of blog ideas and sandwich recipes. I found letters from several ex-boyfriends going back as far as 1998. About the letters - I have letters that were passed in class as far back as 1997. I have essays and class projects. I have art and busy work. And all of it in loose leaf, which is very hard to maintain. I really am a hoarder - but a special kind: I hoard information. I collect ephemera. It's a problem, but it's one I don't care to solve. One day I might find one piece of paper of some use, so I dare not throw it away. 

Such is the case today. (Today as in 2013, not today as in Wednesday, May 1, 2013, since today I am lounging in my jammies drinking carrot juice and playing with That Sprout - just to be clear.) In my sorting I came across a composition book from 2004. It was full of all sorts of random things from my first semester at SJRCC, notes, poem fragments, doodles, you know - normal notebook stuff. I was almost ready to move on to some other tome when I came upon inspirational gold. Written on a page all by itself was the following: 

On another note; Behold! A legit photograph!

I have been "analyzing the text" (yuk!yuk!yuk!yuk!) , trying to get to the bottom of what it really says about the speaker and "you". I'm taking a very English Majorly approach to this and I'm hoping to get something the caliber of "Prufrock" or "Coney Island Baby" out of it, and I'm thanking my lucky stars that I kept this little note-to-self, as if nothing else, it gives some context to my demons. 

That was all very unclear, and I'm sorry. Feel free to ask questions in the comments.

In other news, the anxiety seems to have run it's course for now and I am so glad. I was really getting to the point where I couldn't stand myself. I've been doing some research and I've found that chamomile tea is something I should drink more of. Not only is it good for anxiety, it's good for your liver too. A win-win, yes? Xanax is just scary and all the other herbal remedies are no good for your liver, so hopefully I'll see some results from the tea. I've been working on eating better which is helping. Now if only I could make the gym happen . . .

That's all the updates I have for now - writing, trying to remain calm, and working on my Teacher Ready classes. Yeah - those. Those things I've been neglecting. Really must get to work on that, of course, the last thing I want to do when I'm all anxiety ridden is school work. It's just not a good idea. Everything comes out all angsty. Perhaps tomorrow will see me plow through a whole lot of the backlog. That would be good. I'll let you know next Wednesday, along with another update that I want to share with you all, but I'm waiting until I know more. Intrigue!

For now, I leave you with this photo - a tome from the annals.

I used to be so much more creative . . . and I used to go
to shows. That needs to start happening again.

New Feature! New Feature! "Cus Ya Can't Put Tits and Ass Up on the Marquee"

Since last we spoke, I have been on a quest to clean out my fire hazard office so that I might finally set up the new computer I got for Christmas and get j^C off my back about using his things. Sharing is caring, but he didn't get the memo.  In my cleaning I've unearthed the annals of my writing - an exciting thing, I assure you. I'm sorry to say that my composition and structure has only gotten worse since the 6th Grade. Alas. At least my leading men don't all smack of Bruce Wayne anymore . . . 

While reading through various papers and composition books, I found a list I made several years ago of things I wanted to blog about. See, I thought that I was going to be a famous and rich blogger after college. Ha! If I knew then what I know now. There were several ideas on the list which I have no interest in now - but there was a standout which is now FPN's NEW FEATURE: T&A Tuesadays!

What is a T&A Tuesday? I'd rather show you than tell you, so here's the first one.

I don't know what the fascination is, really, but I have a "thing" about people with snaggly type teeth. I don't care much for gaps, but I think a crooked smile is one of the sexiest things ever. Maybe it's because I am a vampire loving cat lady, but I think snaggle teeth are great. I will not apologize. I blame Interview with the Vampire for this dental appreciation. Kirsten Dunst was beautiful in that film, all lithe and catlike with her huge eyes and fangly fangs. I was delighted to find out that even though she wore prostetic fangs on screen, she still had fang-like snaggle teeth in real life. I loved it and I wanted to look like that too. Sadly, I was blessed instead with a gap, much to my chagrin. Sad also, is the fact that Kirsten had her teeth ruined fixed last year by eliminating the sexy snaggle. I am sad. But there's hope! While Hollywood might frown on unique smiles, the music industry in more forgiving. So, I give you:

Dig that graphic, huh? Generators are my best friends.

1. Billy Corgan

Source. Source. Source. Source. Source.

I couldn't decide on just one photo. He is too fine and his smile is just too charming. Now, I know that this is supposed to be all about T&A, and how sexy these people are, but Billy's sexiness is only increased by virtue of his incredible talent. If there's one artist I would love to collaborate with, Billy is the one. Of course, I might melt into a puddle on the floor the first time I made him laugh. And I would make him laugh. Don't you worry about that.  There's also the fact that he's 6'3" and he could make me feel small and fragile. I like feeling small and fragile. People, he's #1 for a reason, and it's not just the cat-like, snaggly-toothed-ness.

2. Jewel

Source.

We, the little people, are thankful that there wasn't easily accessed Orthodontia in Alaska when Jewel was a child, although even if it had been available, our girl would have declined. Over the course of her career her crooked smile has sadly received as much attention as her music, and yet she has never chosen to realign her teeth. When asked, she gives a very simple reason why: "I don't like pain. I never wanted braces." Amen, sister! You don't need them! So called imperfections are beautiful, and I think Jewel is beautiful just the way she is, snaggle tooth and all.

3. Moby

Source.

Oh, Moby. He's pretty much adorable, in that impish way I love so much. He's only 5'7", so he's kind of like this crazy-impressive, techno-spinning, snaggle-toothed elf. I love it. I just wish he would make a big comeback squash this dub-step stuff into submission. Because my taste is all that matters. Yeah. Seriously though, at least he's mostly washed looking - five o'clock shadow notwithstanding.

4. Avril Lavigne

Source.

I have very little to say about the future Ex-Mrs. Chad Kroeger. I think she's really pretty. I appreciate that she hasn't changed her snaggle tooth. I like her music well enough. I just wish that her smiles didn't look so forced . . . It must be hard to be rich and famous.

5. Gerard Way

Source.

There was a time, not so long ago, when I was in love with Gerard here. That time has come and gone, and while I do think that he is both beautiful and talented, my tastes have evolved and I am interested in men who are not so slight and frail looking (see #1). Nevertheless, Gerard is also in possession of the catlike features and snaggle tooth, so he's here to round out our list. While my lust for his person seems to have dissipated, I still think he's easy on the eyes, and I certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed. Maybe the fact that he's married and has a kid killed my interest. I am such a hypocrite.